| Jesse Ventura is the governor of Minnesota,
which conveniently is known as a land of thousands of lakes. Well, I really wish Ventura
would choose one of those lakes and jump into it. Ventura hit a milestone in Week Five
that he hadn’t yet reached: He ticked me off. Now, don’t get me wrong; I admit
I kind of like the soap opera that was forming between Ventura and Hitmen head coach Rusty
Tillman. It was intriguing to see how Tillman would handle it each week. But Ventura
proved this week that he is a complete idiot as a football analyst. Just when I thought he
was doing his football homework, he pulls out this garbage. Last week in this column, I
hoped that NBC wouldn’t force the Ventura-Tillman feud and would let it play out
however it did. Well, Ventura has forced the issue and has done a really terrible job at
it.
In my opinion, criticism is great for the game, which is why I’m in the profession
I’m in. I have no problem with anyone criticizing the XFL or the coaches, or Ventura
criticizing Tillman. Everyone has a right to his own opinion. For example, I’m not
trying to change anyone’s mind on the XFL: If you don’t like the league,
that’s fine with me. I like it.
But the criticism that Ventura was launching at Tillman this week was simply for the
sake of criticizing. The most obvious, stupid example came at the end of the first half,
when the Hitmen took over with less than a minute to go, deep in their own territory.
Tillman, his team down, opted to run down the clock and head into the second half. Ventura
took that and ran with it, never realizing that Tillman’s move was a normal,
perfectly reasonable move on any football level. The Hitmen were in a good position to
regroup, come out in the second half and make a run at it. Ventura wanted the Hitmen to
march down the field. Two things are wrong with his “argument.”
1. Ventura obviously did not put two and two together to realize that it would take
nearly a miracle for the Hitmen to score a touchdown in the time that was left. Remember,
this team had not shown an explosive offense.
2. An addendum to No. 1: In the NFL, maybe the talent level is high enough to march 80
yards in less than a minute before halftime, but this is the XFL. Offenses have had a hard
enough time scoring when they have all the time in the world. What makes Ventura think the
Hitmen could’ve marched that far, that fast? Plus, if the Hitmen turn the ball over
and it is returned for a score, the game is veritably over at that point.
In Ventura’s eyes, I guess, that would be Tillman’s fault too. Jesse needs to
go away. Really fast. Anyone with half a football brain realized that this week.
All this criticism of Tillman has prompted me to wonder if Ventura will criticize his
fellow politicians or the president as heavily. Oh, wait, there’s campaign support
involved there ... sorry, I forgot the difference between politics and sport.
Well, folks, you knew it was coming. The cheerleaders are back. This week, NBC will
take us, the viewers, inside the cheerleaders’ locker room at halftime. I tell ya, I
laugh when I see the promo they’ve done up. To me it’s just really, really
silly. Like anything is going to happen! I said from the start, people are acting as
though we’re going to see the cheerleaders naked and prancing around the locker room
(not that I wouldn’t enjoy that myself, but ...).
You know, NBC may be starving for ratings with this whole XFL thing, but the network
executives surely know better than to cross the line. My theory: Do you like watching
women put on makeup and fix their hair? If not, then don’t bother watching.
Don’t expect to see the other extreme, or anything strategic: “Mitzi, you
weren’t grinding low enough on ‘Shook Me All Night Long.’ If you don’t
suck it up and grind better, we’re gonna have to bench you in the second half. OK,
team, we’re gonna have to go out there and really dance well in the second half,
because we’re losing this crowd. But don’t get down on yourselves, because
we’re still in it.”
Ah, on to the stuff that matters. The Rage remains the team to beat, sporting a 5-0
record. The scariest thing about the Rage is that even after QB Jeff Brohm was knocked out
of the game with a concussion, backup QB Brian Kuklick was able to lead the team to
victory. That says a lot for the offense, which is very potent and can hit you from all
directions. RB Derrick Clark is stepping up and proving to be worthy of consideration as
one of the league’s elite players. So long as Clark can run the ball effectively, the
Rage will be sitting pretty.
Everyone is talking about how if NBC drops the XFL from its lineup, the league is
doomed. But, actually, I think that might be a blessing. The NBC programming is killing
the league’s (little) respectability. Ventura and Jim Ross are horrific announcers,
and NBC has the announcing team that should be No. 1 on the bonus game (Matt Vasgersian
and whoever takes the place of Butkus/Lawler). It’s unfortunate for the league that
more people can’t watch the TNN broadcast. That is the closest thing to an NFL
broadcast in terms of flow and infomation dissemination (telling you what you need to
know). Craig Minervini and Bob Golic are very good at keeping you informed about the game,
yet balancing that with the “edgy” XFL style. I applaud them. Brian Bosworth on
UPN can join Ventura in one of those Minnesota lakes.
The Enforcers finally got their first win of the season, and it came on a one-yard TD
run by LeShon Johnson. The Enforcers still have some work to do on defense, but the
offense finally looked a bit more in sync with QB Kevin McDougal getting the nod at
starter. The Enforcers’ luck may be turning as well. If they start getting a few
bounces their way and the defense comes around, Chicago could put together a run to get at
least to .500. In their four losses, the Enforcers played each team pretty closely, so
don’t be surprised if they post a few wins down the stretch. In the weak East
Division, that could land them in the playoffs.
You can e-mail Andy Hanacek at: ahanacek@primediasi.com |
