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Kerry Collins
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TAMPA, Fla. — These were not the surroundings Kerry Collins, NFL
quarterback, was used to.
Collins was in rehab for his alcohol problem, and there was not an offensive lineman
anywhere to be found to block onrushing trouble.
Instead, Collins was in a world filled with trouble. His trouble. Other people’s
trouble. Instead of being surrounded by his usual crowd of football teammates, Collins was
surrounded by people battling their own personal demons.
There was the lawyer who was addicted to crack. The housewife who was an alcoholic. The
cocaine addict who would commit suicide after getting out of rehab.
This was not a world about cheering fans, touchdown passes and press conferences. This
was a world in which Collins was supposed to get scared straight.
How on earth had the young man who once had it all blown it so badly?
Early success
In the beginning, Collins was on the fast track to NFL stardom. In the beginning, it
looked like he should build a room addition — heck, maybe even a new wing — to
his house for all the awards he seemed destined to win.
He was a first-round pick, the fifth selection overall, by Carolina in 1995. The
learning curve that torments so many young quarterbacks did not seem to apply to Collins.
He was a first-team All-Rookie selection in 1995.
In 1996, his second year as a pro, he enjoyed the second-largest increase in the NFL in
passer rating, improving from 61.9 to 79.4. More significantly, Collins led the Panthers
to a spot in the NFC championship game. The icing on the cake was an appearance in the Pro
Bowl.
"I thought I could do no wrong," said Collins. "I played with no fear.
… You play with that kind of confidence, you can do a lot of things."
Crash landing
Yesterday’s hero can be tomorrow’s bum in the world of sports. Collins
learned that the hard way as a result of a series of self-inflicted wounds.
After his storybook 1996 season, Collins was a rising star in the NFL. The 1997 season
was an altogether different story. His passer rating plunged like an anchor in the ocean
in 1997. An outbreak of interceptions gave him a miserable passer rating of 55.7. The
young quarterback who had made such a big splash in 1996 was practically drowning in 1997.
He started 11 games before hitting the bottom of the sea in 1998, at which point the
Panthers waived him on Oct. 13. In less than two seasons, Collins went from the next big
thing to a pariah who was out of work.
What went wrong?
Pretty much everything. Collins’ mouth got him run out of town. A mouth he kept
filling with booze. A mouth that kept saying all the wrong things.
How does a young man sabotage his own career? Let Collins count the ways.
"Alcohol was a big part of the problems I had in Charlotte," said Collins.
"Alcohol caused me to act in an erratic way, and along with that, there were certain
personal issues aside from alcohol that I had to deal with. I had some family issues, some
personal issues that I needed to address. As everybody saw in those two years, the
confusion, the angst, the anger that I was experiencing at the time came to the fore.
Alcohol fueled it. I was described as a lost soul at one time, and I definitely think that
was the case."
Collins was barely a teenager when he got his first taste of booze. Pandora’s box
is better left unopened.
"I was 13 years old when I had my first experience with alcohol," said
Collins. "The type of drinking that I did was not every day. It wasn’t every
other day, but when I drank, I didn’t stop. I never ever had just one beer. That
wasn’t the way I drank. That loss of control was the main crux of my alcohol
dependency. A lot of it was party-related. I would go out to different bars with friends.
I thought I was having a good time, but all I ended up with was a hangover and memories
that I don’t remember. I thought that if I didn’t go out and party that I was
wasting my youth."
Instead, Collins and alcohol conspired to try to waste his football talents. As if that
weren’t bad enough, the next thing he knew, he was being accused of being a racist.
"It was the last night of training camp," said Collins of an ugly incident
during his time with the Panthers. "We were all out, we were having drinks, I was
very intoxicated. There was some celebrating going on back at the dorms, the end of
training camp, that sort of thing. And I used a term that was not meant to be used in a
malicious way. It was more in a joking manner. I was trying to be a funny guy, I was
trying to say something obviously I knew I shouldn’t be saying but that the guys
wouldn’t take it that way obviously because they knew I couldn’t be saying that.
And in a strange sense, in my polluted, chemically altered mind, I believed that maybe in
some sort of way that it would reinforce some sense of camaraderie, and I certainly did
not mean for it to be taken the way it (was). I’ve always been a person that has had
black friends, friends of all nationalities, have supported it, believed in equality, and
it goes back a long, long way."
The next day, the you-know-what hit the fan.
"The next day, boy, it was when someone addressed me with what I did, Coach (Dom)
Capers addressed me with it, and I explained my side of the story and where I was coming
from, and at the time there were certainly some feelings that the team and the guys that
were there that night took it in the manner they took it," said Collins. "They
felt that because of the nature of the situation and the nature of the word that I used it
in a derogatory sense, and I regret the incident and I wish it never would have happened,
but like I said, I always held true to my beliefs and certainly have tried to make amends
wherever I needed to make amends."
This would not be the last time Collins would get in trouble with the Panthers for
saying something that came out contrary to what he intended.
The next time came when Collins had a meeting with Capers. Next thing Collins knew,
people were calling him a quitter and he was out of a job. Not just his starting job. His
job. Period. The Panthers cut him.
"I had a discussion with Dom Capers that day," said Collins. "It did not
turn out the way I wanted it to turn out. Eventually it ended up with them releasing me
and once the die was cast, I don’t think there was no turning from that initial
conversation. I never wanted to quit on that team. If I wanted to quit, I don’t think
I’d be standing here today. I was at a time in my life where I was confused about a
lot of things, and some of those issues may have been responsible for some of the things I
said in that meeting."
Just what had Collins intended to accomplish in that meeting with Capers?
"I intended to discuss the situation that was there," said Collins. "I
can tell you that my intention was to never quit on that football team. Unfortunately, the
situation went the way it went, they ended up releasing me, and that’s pretty much
it."
After the Panthers cut Collins, he was claimed off waivers by the Saints and started
the final seven games of the season. His numbers in New Orleans were nothing to get
excited about. He completed less than half of his passes and tossed 10 interceptions
against only four touchdowns. His stay in New Orleans was short-lived. That offseason,
Collins went to the Giants as an unrestricted free agent.
"When I was with the Saints, I wasn’t doing the things I needed to do,"
said Collins. "It was pre-rehab. It was definitely a message that I would definitely
need to take advantage of the next opportunity that came along because having been
released by the Saints put my career in limbo. I’m very fortunate that a team like
the Giants took a chance on me when they did and gave me the help and support that they
have given me so far."
"Help and support." Mark down those words. They saved young Collins’
football career.
Redemption
Collins needed to clean up his act. Collins needed help. Collins needed rehab.
It was time to do something about his alcohol problem.
You can’t help those who won’t help themselves, however, so the first step
was for Collins to realize he had a serious problem and needed a guiding hand. Eventually,
the light bulb went on.
"I think the DUI had something to do with that," said Collins. "I
believe that transcended the ‘OK, I’ve got personal problems and I’ve got
problems with alcohol" into "Now I’ve got trouble with the law.’ But I
think probably the day was when I was ordered to go into rehab by the NFL. I decided to go
in two weeks early and that first day, I think, when I went into rehab, I think that was
the time when I realized it was at the point where it was getting pretty bad for me. That
realization of having to go somewhere in a structured, controlled environment to receive
help was certainly very shocking to me. That’s a feeling that I’ll never forget
and one that keeps motivating me to keep doing what I’m doing."
The first day of rehab. The first day of the rest of Collins’ life. Redemption
would come later. The cheers would come later. Not now, though. Now was a time to admit
his shortcomings.
"Humility is not always a strong suit for professional athletes," said
Collins. "One of the first things I had to do when I began my rehab was to get
humble. That humility comes along with realizing that I do have a problem. I can’t
control alcohol. Unless I realized that and unless I applied that into my daily life,
alcohol was going to eventually kill me or I would have ended up in jail. I knew in my
head that I had a problem, so I knew in order to help myself get better, I needed to stay
humble throughout the entire process, and I think that has been responsible for the
turnaround that I have made."
Looking into the mirror, looking into his own soul during those early days in rehab was
a difficult process for Collins. Difficult but necessary. So it was that Collins found
himself in rehab along with the lawyer who was addicted to crack, the alcoholic housewife
and the cocaine addict who would commit suicide down the road.
"When I went into rehab, I checked Kerry Collins the football player at the
door," said Collins. "And for the first time in a long time, I started to look
at myself as a person and tried to find out what I was all about and what was wrong and
what I needed to do for myself. That was probably the most uncomfortable thing for me
because so much of my life had been geared toward football and geared toward being a
quarterback. My identity was so much that of an NFL quarterback, and my rehab was the
first time that I took a long hard look at myself and focused on what kind of person I
wanted to be. The alcohol part of it was the fuel to the fire. I used alcohol as a
rebellious tool. I really had problems with the public attention, living in the public
eye. I adopted the adage of, ‘I’ll show you; I’ll hurt me.’ I
developed a dependency to alcohol. I think daily about my dependency and know that I will
have to deal with it for the rest of my life. It’s something that I have accepted and
realize that I need to do the necessary things to ensure that I don’t fall back into
those old problems."
A major step in doing just that has been to allow others to help.
"Joel Goldberg, who is the counseling supervisor with the Giants, was very
involved in getting me to the Giants," said Collins. "He has helped me since
then, and Joel had confidence in me when I didn’t even feel I had that much
confidence in myself. He was a guy that was able to see through a lot of the things,
believed in my talent, believed that at the core I was a good person who was having
problems, and quite honestly, that I was worth saving and worth giving an opportunity. Him
more than anything, along with Charlie Stuckey, who was my alcohol counselor in New
Jersey, was very helpful and still is very helpful in my daily life and my football life
and all of the things that go along with my situation. He showed me some wonderful
guidance, has been tough with me when I needed to be tough with and certainly is one of
the people that has helped me tremendously in the past two years."
After falling on his face in Carolina and New Orleans, Collins joined the Giants as
damaged goods. His past troubles were no secret. Newspapers guarantee that old news —
especially bad news — follows a player from one city to the next. How was Collins
going to convince his new teammates that he was not a drunk, a quitter or a racist?
"My view on that going into the whole process was that I know that it was not
going to be a quick fix, and that it wasn’t going to happen overnight," said
Collins. "I took the approach that day in and day out, I will do the things that I
need to do to prove to these people that all the things they heard said were untrue.
I’m thankful that the guys on the team gave me the opportunity. I don’t think a
lot of guys would have, and I don’t think a lot of teams would have. I’m more
indebted to (my teammates) for that than anyone on this earth."
To hear his coaches and teammates say it, Collins has turned the corner and won them
over. Whatever questions they may have had about him when he first joined the organization
have been jettisoned like a rock from a slingshot. Long gone. Out of sight, out of mind.
"I think Kerry Collins has answered those questions completely, in my
opinion," said Giants head coach Jim Fassel. "You see the type of person he is,
and he’s answered those questions. … The Kerry Collins I know is an outstanding
young man, a tremendous young man. This man has grown up. He’s accepted the
responsibility (for himself and his team). He’s done a hell of a job. I have seen his
self-esteem grow, what he thinks of himself, how he feels about himself and how he’s
handled himself."
Giants LB Jessie Armstead said, "Regarding the whole situation, we just waited to
see how things played out. Kerry has handled himself real well, and he then had to go on
the field and prove himself, and that’s when guys accepted him. When Kerry came to
New York, he stayed out of trouble, and you don’t hear anything negative about him
when he was here, so you got to give everybody a second chance in life. And he got his
second chance in New York. We weren’t going to tolerate anything like that, first and
foremost; that’s the biggest thing. And no matter what happened anywhere else, we
weren’t going to tolerate that in our locker room. But everything has worked out real
fine. I don’t really care what happened in Carolina."
As Armstead’s tone indicates, pro football is a business. There is a mercenary
quality about the NFL. You either get the job done or you are out and a new hired gun is
brought in as a replacement. This isn’t youth soccer where all that matters is
effort, fun and sportsmanship. This isn’t the Boy Scouts, where merit badges are
handed out for helping a little, old lady across the street. Sure every team wants its
players to be good citizens. But a good citizen who goes on the field of play and stinks
out the joint is of no value.
Without question, Collins’ new attitude has played a big part in winning the
Giants over. Just as important, however, is the fact that he has delivered as a player. If
he had come in and been an interception machine, he’d probably be the backup
quarterback for another team by now. Instead, Collins has also won his new team over with
the quality of his play.
His first season with the Giants in 1999 was rather pedestrian. This season has been an
altogether different story. His passer rating during the 2000 regular season was a
rock-solid 83.1, and in the postseason it has gone through the roof to an
up-in-the-stratosphere 110.3.
"On the field he’s becoming a great leader for us," said Giants RB Tiki
Barber. "He took control of this offense, and we believe in him."
OT Lomas Brown said, "He’s our general and commands us in the huddle. He
proved that he could get it done in the big game, and I have confidence in him."
Indeed, Collins proved he could get it done in a big game when he torched the Vikings
for 381 passing yards and five TD passes in the Giants’ 41-0 NFC title game victory.
"A perfect game in the NFL is impossible these days, but today Kerry was
perfect," said Brown after the game.
Fassel said that day, "There have been questions, ‘Can Kerry step forward and
carry this team?' He answered that bell today. No doubt about it. Never a doubt in my
mind, and he stepped in and did it today. If anybody has any question, they probably did
not watch the game today."
After taking a look at Collins’ performance against the Vikings, Ravens DT Tony
Siragusa said, "Kerry played the most unbelievable game I’ve ever seen."
Whether or not Collins has one more big game left in him this season will be determined
soon enough, as the kickoff for the Super Bowl is just around the corner. Whether or not
Collins will continue to keep his off-the-field life in order is a question that can only
be answered by time. One thing that is known for sure, however, is that as of this moment
Collins is a remarkable comeback story. A success on the field. A success off the field.
"I think I’m a better success story off the field because the things
I’ve done off the field have transcended into my career, into my professional
life," said Collins. "One of the things, going through all of the things I went
through, was, I had a hard time separating between Kerry Collins the quarterback and Kerry
Collins the person. And that distinction wasn’t very clear until recently, until I
realized I needed to take care of myself first before I could do anything on the football
field in my career. I’m very, very proud of sitting here at the Super Bowl as a
quarterback for one of the teams. I’m more proud of the things I do daily, day in and
day out, that make my life what it is today. It’s been rough and it’s been a
great learning experience, but I realized that I need to take care of the things that I
need to take care of for Kerry Collins first, and then whatever happens after that I
believe will take care of itself."
Transformation complete.
"I think the good lesson is that people can change," said Collins. "I
think as human beings that we all have weaknesses and we all have problems. I think a good
lesson is that no matter how bad a situation gets, you can change and you can make that
difference that you need for yourself. I think I’m certainly living proof of that,
but it takes a lot of hard work and a lot of learning on your part to know what you have
to do."
Just how much has Collins changed?
Consider how poorly things ended on the field for him in Carolina and New Orleans.
Consider how poorly things had disintegrated for him off the field. Then consider how
wonderful life is for him now.
And finally, consider an exchange between Collins and Giants DE Michael Strahan after
New York had clobbered the Vikings in the NFC title game. The game was over, and Strahan
went up to Collins and said, "I’m honored to play with you."
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