| OK, folks. It’s official — at least in
the minds of the editors at Pro Football Weekly. Except for a Joe Bowden-type
transaction here and there, the continuing saga of Steve Young and the ongoing legal
proceedings involving Ray Lewis and Rae Carruth, the pro football world has pretty much
closed down.
Short of some salary cap-related transactions right around June 1, the time has come to
turn your attention to your wives, your kids’ Little League teams, your golf games
and whatever else piques your interest aside from the goings-on in the NFL.
Unless there’s nothing else that floats your boat, in which case we offer our
mutilated version of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire," with yours truly playing
the role of Regis. Let’s not waste time:
For $100: Which player has the best chance of making a successful comeback from a
serious injury that kept him on the sidelines most of last year: (A) Jamal Anderson, (B)
Terrell Davis, (C) Vinny Testaverde, (D) Steve Young.
And the answer is … B. While all four of them claim to be progressing right on
schedule, Davis says he’s stronger and faster than ever before. Operating behind
Denver’s excellent offensive line, he shouldn’t have much of a problem picking
up where he left off before tearing up his knee in Week Four of last season.
For $200: The first NFL coach to be fired this year will be: (A) Bill Cowher, (B)
Dennis Green, (C) Jim Fassel, (D) Bruce Coslet.
And the answer is … D. The Bengals look a lot better on paper, with new offensive
weapon Peter Warrick promising to be more than worth the price of admission. But if they
aren’t a lot better for real the first seven games or so, Coslet’s goose could
be cooked. Since the entire AFC Central also looks a lot better on paper, his future
doesn’t look all that bright.
For $300: The most impressive physical specimen in this year’s rookie class is:
(A) Ron Dayne, (B) Leif Larsen, (C) Brian Urlacher, (D) Sebastian Janikowski.
And the answer is … C. Urlacher’s neck alone is bigger than Bolivia.
For $500: The best candidate to enter the "Monday Night Football" booth with
Al Michaels is: (A) Rush Limbaugh, (B) Matt Millen, (C) Steve Young, (D) Regis Philbin.
And the answer is … B. Millen knows the game, he isn’t afraid to tell it like
it is and, most importantly, he has a great sense of humor. He’d be outstanding.
For $1,000: The most surprising team in the NFL in 2000 will be: (A) Bears, (B) Eagles,
(C) Giants, (D) Saints.
And the answer is … D. Head coach Jim Haslett and GM Randy Mueller have cleared
the Mike Ditka-induced stench down by the bayou with a greatly revamped roster that has a
chance to make some noise. Last year’s team, by the way, wasn’t nearly as bad as
it looked.
For $2,000: The most disappointing team in the NFL in 2000 will be: (A) Rams, (B)
Buccaneers, (C) Jaguars, (D) Titans.
And the answer is … B. Sorry, all you Shaun King fans out there. The Bucs stop
just over .500 and out of the playoffs — even with Keyshawn.
For $4,000: The top offensive rookie in 2000 will be: (A) Jamal Lewis, (B) Ron Dayne,
(C) Peter Warrick, (D) Thomas Jones.
And the answer is … A. Not only does Lewis offer the best combination of speed and
power among this year’s rookies; he’s been working his butt off with people like
Cris Carter to get into shape for the pro wars. Look for his hard work to pay off with a
Rookie of the Year selection.
For $8,000: The top defensive rookie in 2000 will be: (A) Courtney Brown, (B) LaVar
Arrington, (C) Brian Urlacher, (D) Shaun Ellis.
And the answer is … B. The Browns blew it. They opted for Brown, who will be a
very solid performer but hardly a world-beater. Arrington? It says here he’s about to
make Jevon Kearse look like "Mini-Freak."
For $16,000 (check those lifelines now): The most disappointing first-round pick will
be: (A) Plaxico Burress, (B) Trung Canidate, (C) Shaun Ellis, (D) Rashard Anderson.
And the answer is … A. I really didn’t think much of any of these picks, but
I’m especially down on Burress, who will never play at a consistently high level. I
also thought he was a real jerk at this year’s Combine.
For $32,000: The best offensive addition via free agency or trade will be: (A) Joey
Galloway, (B) Shannon Sharpe, (C) OT Jon Runyan, (D) Jeff Blake.
And the answer is … A. Forget about last year. Galloway will make Jerry Jones look
like a genius — and that’s really saying something.
For $64,000: The best defensive addition via free agency or trade is: (A) Chuck Smith,
(B) Bruce Smith, (C) Randall Godfrey, (D) Norman Hand.
And the answer is … C. Sorry, Jerry. Letting my man Godfrey go almost offsets the
Galloway acquisition. He’s that good. With Kearse and Godfrey together, the
Titans’ defense could be devastating.
For $125,000: The best performance by an actor in a football movie is: (A) Al Pacino in
"Any Given Sunday," (B) Charles Dutton in "Rudy," (C) Bruce Dern in
"Black Sunday," (D) Mac Davis in "North Dallas Forty."
And the answer is … D. I’ve never been a big fan of his music, but he was
amazingly good in the role of a Joe Namath-type quarterback in the best movie depicting
the pro game by far. If you haven’t seen it in about five years — or have never
seen it —rent the video for a rainy summer afternoon. It’s a classic. "Any
Given Sunday" was a joke by comparison.
For $250,000: Which team will win the AFC championship in 2000: (A) Jaguars, (B)
Titans, (C) Broncos, (D) Colts.
And the answer is … C. With or without Steve Young.
For $500,000: Which team will win the NFC championship in 2000: (A) Rams, (B) Redskins,
(C) Buccaneers, (D) Panthers.
And the answer is … A. Even if Kurt Warner is injured and replaced by Trent Green,
the Rams still have the rest of the conference’s number.
OK, folks. We’re almost home. For $1 million: Which team will win the Super Bowl:
(A) Rams, (B) Broncos.
And the answer is — oh, what the heck. It’s just a Web column, and I can
always change my mind the next time we play, right? My final answer is … B.
T.D.’s duh man!
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a tee-off time in about an hour. |
