 |
Browns OT
Orlando Brown
|
Quick quiz: Name the sport that blends athleticism and entertainment, showcases
violence, features fights between participants and officials and gets great TV ratings.
Professional wrestling?
Sorry. Try professional football.
At times in 1999, pro football resembled pro wrestling. And are the two really that
different?
Wrestling has Brett Hart. Football has Brett Favre.
Wrestling has reigning WWF champ Triple H. Football has the H.H.H. Metrodome.
Wrestling has Goldberg. Football had NT Bill Goldberg.
Actually, they’re the same guy. But you get the point. Which is: For better or
worse, the ’99 NFL season sure was fun to watch.
We honor those involved in the year’s more lighthearted moments with our annual,
unsanctioned Dubious Achievement Awards.
The You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out Award — To NFL official Jeff Triplette,
who accidentally hit Browns OT Orlando Brown in the eye with a BB-weighted flag. A dazed
Brown stumbled to the sideline, then returned to the field and shoved Triplette, drawing
an indefinite suspension.
The Go for the Jugular Award — To the NFL, which banned the so-called
"throat-slash" TD-celebration gesture because it was in bad taste. Meanwhile, an
NFL-sanctioned video game still features players doing the throat-slash move.
The Low Blow Award — To Vikings DE Duane Clemons, who was fined $7,500 for
punching Cowboys OT Flozell "the Hotel" Adams in the, er, lobby. Then-Dallas
head coach Chan Gailey decried the amount of the fine, saying that it should have been
much greater and that the league has "no standards."
The With Friends Like These … Award — To Patriots Lawyer Milloy and
Vincent Brisby, who got into a fight — with each other — at a local nightclub
following a fund-raiser thrown by teammate Willie McGinest. Milloy and Brisby later
claimed the altercation resulted from a misunderstanding.
The Shall We Dance? Award — To Falcons CB "Big Play" Ray
Buchanan, who body-slammed Ravens WR Patrick Johnson after Johnson did a mock version of
Atlanta’s "Dirty Bird" dance following a long TD reception at the Georgia
Dome.
The Lowest Form of Humanity Award — To the fans in Philadelphia who cheered
when Cowboys WR Michael Irvin suffered a possible career-ending spinal injury on the
rock-hard turf of Veterans Stadium.
The Spitting Image Award — To Broncos CB Dale Carter, who hocked a loogie
at Jaguars OT Tony Boselli during their Week 14 Monday-night game. That incident, on the
heels of Bill Romanowski spitting at San Francisco’s J.J. Stokes in ’97,
prompted Jaguars OT Leon Searcy to say: "I don’t know what it is with the
Broncos and spit."
The Sour Grapes Award — To Redskins WR Michael Westbrook, who accused line
judge Byron Boston — father of David Boston of the division-rival Cardinals — of
being biased during the Washington-Detroit game in Week 13. The NFL said Westbrook’s
allegations were so ridiculous that it wouldn’t even bother to fine him.
The Upon Further Review Award — To Buccaneers head coach Tony Dungy, one of
the early victims of the league’s new instant-replay system. For the most part,
replay played to favorable reviews (no pun intended), but the NFL acknowledged that the
officials were incorrect on three calls that went against Dungy’s Bucs in their
season-opening loss to the Giants.
The John Hancock Award — To several unnamed Saints who signed footballs for
charity using names such as "Al Pacino" and "Emmitt Smith." (There is
no truth to the rumor that Pacino, who plays a head football coach in "Any Given
Sunday," is a candidate for New Orleans’ coaching vacancy.)
The Divine Intervention Award — To Rams WR Isaac Bruce, who, along with a
companion, emerged with barely a scratch after his car, going 70 mph, blew a tire and
flipped over on a Missouri highway. Bruce, nicknamed "Rev. Ike" because he longs
to be a minister, said he yelled out "Jesus!" as the accident was happening and
knew his faith would save him.
The It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times Award — To Lions
head coach Bobby Ross, who went from midseason Coach of the Year to end-of-the-season
victim of circumstances. Ross’ Lions weren’t supposed to win without Barry
Sanders. After an 8-4 start, they didn’t, losing their last five games (including
playoffs). Ross also drew criticism when he went for a two-point conversion with his team
down four at Arizona in Week 10.
The Cryin’ Ryan Leaf Award — To Chargers QB Ryan Leaf, whose second
season featured a verbal berating of GM Bobby Beathard (for which Leaf was suspended), a
verbal altercation with a fan and a fine for not wearing NFL-licensed apparel on the
sideline during a game. Leaf’s attitude seemed to improve after he returned from his
suspension, but his injured shoulder did not, and he did not play a single down.
The It’s a Good Thing the Ball Wasn’t Spotted at the Six Award —
To slow-footed Panthers QB Steve Beuerlein, who, after scoring the game-winning touchdown
vs. the Packers on an unexpected five-yard QB draw, said, "Five yards is about my
limit."
The Uh, Sorry Award — To Beuerlein, who, in a game against the 49ers,
accidentally lined up behind left guard instead of behind C Frank Garcia. Said Beuerlein:
"I’m sick of Frank’s butt."
The He Only Scores Touchdowns Award — To Vikings WR Cris Carter, who lived
up to his reputation by maintaining his concentration and snaring a TD pass as a
celebratory cannon went off prematurely during a Monday-night game at the Metrodome.
The Where’s the Love? Award — To Packers holder Matt Hasselbeck, who
attempted to celebrate his TD pass on a fake field goal vs. the Vikings by jumping into a
teammate’s arms. Unfortunately, no one was looking, and Hasselbeck crashed to the
turf.
The If You Can’t Laugh at Yourself … Award — To chunky Eagles
head coach Andy Reid, who, after a difficult loss, said, "It was gut-wrenching. And I
have plenty of gut to wrench."
The Should Have Watched The Weather Channel Award — To the Panthers, who
failed to score a point after a second-half snowstorm sacked Pittsburgh the day after
Christmas. Said "the Bus," a.k.a. Steelers RB Jerome Bettis: "I had my snow
tires on."
The Now That’s a False Start Award — To Bengals RB Michael Basnight,
who, in a game against the Steelers, lost his balance while lined up in the backfield and
fell flat on his face. "I thought I busted my face mask," he said.
The There’s No Crying in Football Award — To Rams head coach Dick
Vermeil, Packers QB Brett Favre and a handful of others seen blubbering during or after
games this season.
The Always Read the Fine Print Award — To Jets NT Jason Ferguson and Bears
QB Jim Miller, both of whom were suspended four games for violating the league’s
steroid policy after they consumed a banned substance in dietary/nutritional supplements.
Those who’ve seen Miller in the buff agree that he doesn’t have a future
in professional wrestling.
Editor's note: To read about the many other awards voted by PFW and the
Professional Football Writers of America — including Defensive MVP, All-NFL team,
Coach of the Year, Rookie of the Year, Defensive Rookie of the Year, All-Conference teams,
All-Rookie team, Comeback Player of the Year, Executive of the Year and Assistant Coach of
the Year, plus PFW’s own Golden Toe Trophy — get the Issue 29 print edition of
Pro Football Weekly at your local newsstand or subscribe
today. |
